Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
