Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
