My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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