The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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