He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I want is dick and wine.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
