you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You left your phone here
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