dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
