...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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