i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
