u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
