Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
