pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
