My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
