The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
