YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love you.
Bad choice
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
