in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
