I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
