You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
