Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
