Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
