well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
