Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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