Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
