But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
