if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
