Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
