I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
