You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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