oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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