worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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