Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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