I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
