No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
