I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
