Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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