Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
