dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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