i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
