how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
