i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
