I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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