Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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