Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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