Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
its liver damage thursday
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
