You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
