After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
