apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
