you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have post one night stand depression
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
