the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize