My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
