Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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