Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
