i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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