you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
