I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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