You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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