The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
