i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
