life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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