so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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